Introductions

A Party...I went to a birthday party, I knew just the host and hostess. Another first and a trial run for my upcoming solo cruise in October. Here I was with a house full of people who really didn't know who I was or the answer to that ever popular question"what do you do". Of course at something like this it is more like how do you know the host? I could easily define my self as Maya's godmother and explain how I knew the birthday boy (her Dad). But it was the further discussions and those pesky pronouns that kept getting in the way. As a new widow you find yourself stumbling over words like "our" and "my" when talking about your children and "we " when there is no more we. But how do you stop and explain all that. It feels so unnatural. When you have first met someone ...it does bring things to a complete halt when you mention that you are a widow, now all of a sudden they are feeling sorry for you and of course there is another death they want to talk about and soon you are just talking about death or cancer or how terribly sad my life is...have another glass of wine.

It is like I am in a play..I am watching it from someplace else and I need to rehearse these lines. The lines I need to give when I am alone or solo. Lines about me, what I am doing and where I am going. There is this new life unfolding and in it I am indeed someone new. A new person, a solo person...solo for some reason seems better than single, more mature and respectable. Swinging singles, hot singles...solo that's me, alone and solo.