Next Steps

Moving along, taking new steps...counting the days until my cruise(25 days). I am taking a cruise. Never been on one and when I got an invitation in the mail from a winery that was having a "fine wine cruise" I was intrigued. Spain, Casablanca, the Canary Islands places I had never been. The next month there was an article in a golf magazine talking about the best golf theme cruises..well the same ship, the same itinerary was mentioned. OK maybe a sign..but this was the one..leaving October 27, Marissa settled into college and yes I am an empty nester. Having something to look forward to has been very helpful and I am sure most of my friends will be glad when I go. They are probably tired of hearing about it.

So as with all of our earlier trips as a family I began planning. Preparing for a trip is half the fun. Researching and working on my golf game..of course and planning the wardrobe. Am I really doing this alone? If I waited to find someone to go where I wanted when I wanted..well seize the day. I almost changed my mind when I realized I would be in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea on election day. But absentee ballot..(please let Obama win) and if the unthinkable happens at least I will have good food and good drink and can drown my sorrows.

But moving along in the second year..I have also ended my membership in a number of online brain tumor support groups. What an amazing thing the internet; the ability to instantly to reach out to others going through the same horrific disease. A place to find answers and understand and learn about treatment. After Micheal's death there were some things I could add to the conversation online but in truth it was hard. Watching the notices of more and more lives lost to this disease. As a nurse I felt guilty not helping more..but it was time to take a step away. Step forward and do more of that self care I had taught to other caregivers.

I attended a fundraiser at UCLA for the Neuro Oncology department and their program for brain cancer research. They are doing so much and I want to be sure that others may get better treatments and will be able to live longer and better. I will work with them in the coming year.

I am rambling a bit as I try to figure my next steps and feel confident and strong. Its lonely and a bit scary at times. I have figured out a few of those steps but having no one to cheer you on, tell you its the right choice or pat you on the back or encourage you.