Saying good bye

Saying goodbye…I moved my youngest daughter into her college dorm last week. Having done this twice before with my sons and the help of my late husband, I thought I had it down and was prepared. This was a very new and difficult experience. Marissa and I were coming from emotional places.

I was sure I was ready for her to go; she is so independent in many ways and so looking forward to moving on to this next phase. I had practiced these speeches in my mind late at night over and over. I had many wise words of wisdom. But I knew to keep the advice short and sweet, don’t go on too long or you will lose her interest. We had spent over 9 hours together on Thursday. Getting her room set up and making a run to Staples and Bed and Bath for forgotten items. There were so many clothes to put away in such a little room. Mom ,the computer geek set up the printer and the internet for both girls. With her roommate, roommate's parents and two siblings in the room I didn’t get into the goodbye’s and the speeches so rehearsed. Then there was a dorm meeting at 6:30 and I left exhausted leaving our goodbye for the next morning.

But in the end our good-bye was a two minute hug in front of the dorm while exchanging the last minute Target purchases. There was little time for speeches as she was on to a 9am meeting. So much I wanted to tell her and remind her…but I could just repeat how much I loved her and how proud I was of her. I could not get anything else out. She had been such an amazing presence the last few years as her Father was ill. How special she was to her Dad. (and to me!!!) Tears for both of us. As much as I have told myself how excited I was for her, to have this opportunity to experience college away, to grow and experience new things, you thing you are prepared for you are not.

Then the reality hits. I fly home to Los Angeles, I get a sweet appreciative message thanking me for my help after I land…and more tears. I am home and home indeed to a big empty house. Then what seemed like just the next inevitable step of growth for both my daughter and I suddenly seems like a tremendous hurdle. How did I not cherish everyone of those last few days…because neither of us will be the same. I am so very proud of who she is and can’t wait to see her for family weekend in October.

She will adjust to college and I will adjust to the empty nest. Never quite got that phrase...my house has been strangly quiet and lonely for a while.