Empty Nest

As I write tonight it is my daughters 18th birthday. It's hard not to think back, to think about what it was like 18 years ago the day our baby girl came into the world, tonight we are separated, she has started college 4 states away.

But I still stutter and stumble along. At times I am confident and feel ready for what is ahead. I went out to dinner alone the other night. I travel, eat out, I got that down. I am counting the days until I leave on a 12 cruise from Barcelona to Lisbon. It will be my first cruise and a solo one a that.

But as with all things it is a few steps forwards and then a few backwards. After getting Marissa settled at college I came home to one migraine after another and ended up in the hospital. My migraines sometimes leave me unable to speak..(I still don't recall that Monday and the ambulance that took me to the hospital) but the independent Mom now had her 23 year old son calling the shots at the hospital. Nick was wonderful and stayed by my side all night, again I am in awe of this adult he has grown into; and shudder at the fact that in an emergency..well now it is my son, my children who are here for me and I am grateful. But it takes some adjusting.


As Mom's we read many articles about empty nest and thought about what it would be like when our last child went off to college. I know Michael and I talked about it quite a bit...but now it has happened and of course like most things it is nothing like you think it will be. Maybe that is one of my biggest realizations; nothing is what you think it will be. It is not Michael and I figuring our future without kids at home; it is Karen designing a new life and none of it is what I thought it would be. But I have learned to take it slower, enjoy it all and don't wait (maybe that is mhy I seem to be rushing around so much) By traveling so much I feel I am escaping the lonliness at home. There has been this path leading up to my daughters departure, its like now the next part begins for me, but what? It's harder than I thought, everyone said time would make it easier...well no, it doesn't. So I look to making plans and reaching out.