A New Year

It is hard to believe it is now 2009. The weeks have flown. At times I feel like I am moving forward and then something stops me and it is a little step backwards. I took an amazing cruise from Barcelona to Lisbon. It was the prefect way to travel alone and I think made giant steps forward. There was always something happening, cocktail parties and wine tastings and exciting excursions ashore. I made wonderful new friends, played great golf in wonderful exotic places. I spent two amazing days in Lisbon with wonderful friends I met on the cruise ship. I truly took big steps towards coming out of myself. Spending an evening or two on the arm of a gentlemen got me to thinking that maybe I do want to find someone to spend time with...yes I can take care of myself but weekends can get mighty lonely. So this led to the next step of a date. No in order to get a date you have to put yourself out there. Not like at my age it is easy to meet people. So there was the profile and picture and then email exchanges. Then phone conversations and then the feeling you were 15 again. Would I know what to say? Would I know what to ask? Do I even know what I am looking for in a man? After being with one man for over 25 years it seems hard to even consider another. You look at the photos and the answers to the questions..wait where did they get that picture? What made them think that was the one to post. Who are these guys? It is all a little scary and then gives you a little confidence boost. I am independent and secure. Someone is interested in you. I guess I thought at my age all the men where looking for younger women. So I try a few coffee or wine dates. Some make it to another and then maybe golf. It's brutal in some ways. Either they like you and and you don't or you like them and they don't...see like high school again and you have to develop a thick skin. Don't get your hopes up and don't get disappointed.

Maybe it is not about dating or finding a man to spend time with, maybe it is about figuring out what I am going to do to fill the days and weekends. The beginning of 2009. I had a nice trip to Cancun with the kids. The holidays were harder than I expected.Thought I was stronger, thought I was ready but I was not. Not prepared for the hole and the happy families all around me. We are a happy family just have to get used to being just the 4 of us. So as 2009 continues a new President. A new cruise..a trip to Costa Rica and the Panama Canal. And maybe a few more dates.