Girlfriends and New Friends

At the end of a golf trip to Palm Springs with girlfriends …women I had never really traveled with before I was realizing the phases we go through in life and how each of them seem to be defined by a stage and each in turn seems to have friends associated with them. Sure I know people whose friends have been a constant; they seem to be the ones who grew up and still live in the same place. But if you have gone through a lot of changes as I have well the landscape has changed and so have the friends. For awhile in the last year…being a widow I was truly saddened that so many people who at one time meant a lot to me were no longer more a big part of my life. Various reasons I guess and I think fault can be placed with all parties. But there were those single friends and college friends and then everything changed when you had children. There were the couples who also had kids the same age. It was great to do things together, we were at the same parties, school events and those friends became family and often for those of us in Los Angeles without family around it was our friends we called upon when there was an emergency or problem. You knew who you could turn to. Our kids grew and sometimes the kids grew apart as friends but we as parents still liked to play together. Then there were business friends. Couples you saw because of business but you enjoyed and had dinners and went to concerts together. These friends may not have had children the same age but there were other commonalties. So going into this second year of widowhood, I look at this phase of my life; my children independent and gone from home. I am grateful for the couples that have been there for me throughout all my phases and this most challenging time I am playing golf more and not working now; finding single friends and people who have the freedom to do the things I am doing now. I have a few other friends who are widows and single and it helps to discuss the challenges we face. But none of us are really that alike in situation each is different. So I look now at who my friends are…who I am telling my secrets to and it is very different. My life is very different, more so than I ever could have imagined. So too are my friends now and as I move to the next step, dating and thinking about bringing someone else into my life I am constantly surprised by it all. It is indeed something that takes attention and effort.